Developing a painful chronic illness involves a lot of firsts. Each of these can be discouraging, because they indicate the dying away of your old, healthy life. These are some of the firsts I've experienced:
The first time I...
Had to rest after a shower because I was shaking with exhaustion.
Took a break during a meal because holding a fork was too painful for my hand.
Nearly cried with pain after bumping into a doorway because the my hip felt like it had been stabbed.
Had to stop swinging on a swing set because the pressure of my hands on the chain was unbearable.
Felt that feeling of dread when I realized a flare was imminent.
I distinctly remember the emotions that flooded my mind as each of these occurred. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Confusion.
But I've learned how true it is that big problems make us appreciate the small joys.
Running up the stairs with no pain or fatigue; eating a meal without putting down the utensils; being invigorated by a shower instead of wiped out; waking up energized and comfortable; making a large meal by myself.
I enjoy these because I have experienced the other side. I know pain. And because I know pain, I can know joy. Love. Contentment. Celebration. Chronic illness has taken and will take more, but it has also given me more than I ever imagined. I have wonderful, understanding friends and a supportive family. Thank you.
And that is why I thank God for my illness.